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I like it when people do whatever it is they do best. Pilots negotiating a smooth landing with their flying steel behemoths. Enthusiastic professors tirelessly imparting knowledge to a roomful of bored students. MaĆ®tre d’s coolly keeping angry customers at bay while maintaining their sanity and composure. Gordon Ramsay doing something wonderful with a lump of beef. Martin Scorsese with a camera and a really good idea. In today’s case, Sam Edelman with shoes. And while we are on the subject of shopping, here’s a holiday gift for your favorite technolusting blogger friends: a Wordpress hoodie.

And to balance out the the uncharacteristically feminine preoccupations on this post, I’d like to comfort you and let you know that I am watching Predator as this is written. You see, Predator is a prime example of people who do whatever it is they do best. How can it not be? Pitting a half dozen armed muscleheads—who, by witchcraft or advancements in military logistics, acquire ammunition as quickly as they spend it—against the universe’s most elite headhunter must be like watching a re-enactment of the Titans being taken out by Zeus.

The new year is nigh. Closure? Resolutions? Countdown parties?

The only realistic resolution I have for next year is to be good at something, anything. I’d like to achieve mastery in just one field of play so people around me can take me as their local authority in whatever it is I will do best. Perhaps a good place to start would be taking out headhunting alien predators. Has that post been taken by anyone in Singapore and Central Wisconsin?

N: “Your arms are so pale!”
L: “Well…that’s because I’m white.”

About a year ago from today, I embarked on half a dozen airplane rides across the length of mainland United States just so I could reach LAX to make my Singapore-bound flight (another story for another time). On the leg from Milwaukee to Atlanta, the PA crackled to life and the captain in his raspy, husky Captain Voice announced: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Today is a very special day for John sitting in 4D, because it’s his birthday; do wish him happy birthday when you pass by his seat. Also, John is in the army, and is actually heading out to Kuwait today. So John, thank you for your services, and please stay safe. Happy birthday, and Merry Christmas.”

The 727 broke into applause, and as the plane taxied down the tarmac, all I could think about was John’s poor mother. How many poor women out there are missing out on Christmases and birthdays with their boys because stuffy politicians are putting them in combat boots?

About a year ago from today, Delta Airlines lost my luggage. If Northwest knows a thing or two about the kind of bankruptcy-saving business I can give them, they will not do the same.

Merry Christmas, chickadees, wherever you are.

Holy finals week crunch time, Batman!

Funny, but sort of not funny.